Do you get them too? The articles like “834 Steps to a Simpler Life,” and “93 Items to Keep in Your Sock Drawer?” Well the other day my sweetheart forwarded me one called “50 Foods to Avoid This Holiday Season,” or something equally preachy. His attached note said, “guess we’ll be having toast.” Oh HELL no. Not on my watch.

First, let me address some of the items that were actually on their list. These are items that WILL pass my lips this holiday season, in varying amounts and at various times. Does it make me a glutton? According to the folks who assembled that excuse for an article it might, but really, I don’t care.

1. mashed potatoes – with butter
2. gravy – on the mashed potatoes and turkey
3. turkey (dark meat with skin) – I prefer white meat, but there will be some skin
4. stuffing – yeah, like I’m going to skip that
5. cranberry sauce – what ARE we supposed to have for Thanksgiving?
6. pecan pie – my favorite
7. pumpkin pie – yum
8. apple pie – yep, I’m going to have that one too, so suck it, list writers
9. chocolate orange – only the kind made by Terry’s
10. candy cane – wouldn’t be Christmas without it
11. Starbucks fancy drinks – yeah, I’m pretty much an addict
12. Christmas cookies – really?
13. eggnog – I can’t help it, it’s just good (in small doses)
14. cinnamon rolls – what else would you have Christmas morning?
15. pot roast – this isn’t really even a holiday thing, is it? But now I want it.

These additional items may or may not be on their list. I got a little lightheaded while I was reading it. They are, however, on my “Gonna have it” list.

16. champagne – hello? New Year’s?

17. potato latkes – Happy Chanukah!

18. lasagna – it’s a tradition

19. garlic bread – goes with the lasagna

So now you have a real list from a real person about a real holiday season. Well, except for maybe the pot roast, but a pot roast is good any time of year. Happy celebrating.