So if you read my last post (half a year ago) you know that I’ve been taking weight loss medication, and lo and behold, it’s working! All those things about being fat that average sized people don’t think about are starting to become standard for me. I’m by no means skinny, and I don’t aspire to be, but there’s significantly less of me than there used to be.
Recently we had Thanksgiving here in the U.S. of A., and I was lucky enough to score a visit from my boy (grown up man) who lives in another state. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and when he looked at me for the first time he was a little bit thrown for a loop. He actually told me that it’s going to take him some time to get used to the way I look now. I weigh less now than I have at any point during his lifetime, so I can see where he’s coming from.
Honestly, I don’t want to stay on this medication forever, partly because I don’t enjoy giving myself shots, partly because gagging when I brush my teeth is unpleasant, and partly because who knows what the long term effects of this medication are. Oh, and the cost. There’s that factor too. But for right now, and the foreseeable future, I’m sticking with it (see what I did there? stick, like needle? pretty clever, right?).
My sweetheart doesn’t love the idea of me being on this medicine for an extended period of time. He’s convinced that I’ve “learned better habits and can continue making those better decisions.” Right. Like having cinnamon bears for dinner. Yes, I’m eating considerably less, but still not always the best choices. I try, but some days I really just don’t want to. Yes, I occasionally get cravings, even with the medicine, but FAR less often or intensely than without it. I haven’t learned better habits, I’ve always known what they are. It’s not knowledge that’s the issue, it’s putting it into practice, and that’s where I have struggled all my adult life.
Well, here I am once again. I was challenged by a friend, who is a far more prolific writer than I am, to at least write a blog post. Well, E. here it is, in all its awkward glory. Why awkward? Because I feel like a stranger here, in my very own blog. Things look different. Things work in different ways. Even the login process was different. Not bad. Easy, in fact. But still, different.
From the very beginning, in June of 2013, this blog has been all about me, me, me. Me as a parent, as an educator, as a friend, as a partner, and as a daughter and sister. More than all of those versions of me, though, this blog has been a record of the ups and downs of my never-ending quest for the healthiest version of me. My weight has fluctuated, as has my motivation. Currently my weight is on a downward trajectory, with the help of medication, an app, and a food delivery service. Oh, and orders from my doctor. Can’t forget those. Is it pricey? You bet, but like the L’Oreal commercials say, “I’m worth it.”
I’m at a weight that I reached about 2 years ago, wearing the smallest clothes in my closet, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it did 2 years ago. That time around I felt like I was powerful, strong, in charge. I was a warrior going to battle. Then I ran out of steam. Time passed, things changed, and some of the fifty plus pounds I shed made their way back onto my frame. Those pounds are gone again, but so is my warrior persona. Now I’m mostly just resigned. I suppose I look better, and there are definitely some things that are easier to do (like flying, my favorite), and really my labs have never been better (at least not in the last couple of decades). Still, I’m just not feeling it this time around.
I might have a little bit of imposter syndrome. I’m using medication, which makes the weight loss so much easier. Is that cheating? Do I get to feel the same kind of triumph? If we were talking about anyone else, I would say, “Of course!” but I don’t generally give myself the same kind of grace that I give to others. Maybe it’s a little bit of the perfectionist in me. I know I have a long way to go to get this body to its peak of health, and frankly it seems unrealistic to think that I will ever reach an “ideal” weight, but I’m still out here trying. So there you have it, and now you’re thinking, no wonder she hasn’t written anything in over a year. Of course blogging is like so many other things, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Hopefully I can remember that when it comes to the healthy habits I’m trying to cultivate.
It’s easy to turn on the news and reflect on all the negative things happening in the world. Illness, violence, deceit, discrimination, poverty. These are all too real, and devastating. Then there’s the flip-side. When I scroll through my social media I see loving happy families, dream vacations, marvelous feasts, milestone achievements, and joyous events. What’s the reality? All of the above, I’d say. Each life is a mixture of positive and negative experiences and emotions. I’ve been so fortunate to have my personal mix heavily skewed to the positive side of life. I know others aren’t so fortunate. I also know that things can change in an instant.
As 2021 draws to a close, it’s easy to find the things that didn’t work. The political divide, the ongoing Covid pandemic, and the spate of mass shootings instantly come to mind. But what about the things that did work? The past year has given me a lot to be grateful for. For one, I’ve rediscovered the joy I get from sewing and quilting. I’ve finished a few long-term projects, and knocked off a brand new quilt from some old and well loved fabrics. Even better, I’ve reconnected with my friend who is a master long arm quilter, and we managed to get together a few times in 2021, and not just to have her work her magic on my quilts.
I’ve also found time to read for pleasure. I’ve discovered three middle-grade series that I’ve been enjoying tremendously. The Front Desk series by Kelly Yang, Tuesdays at the Castle series by Jessica Day George, and the Endling series by Katherine Applegate are all terrific reads. I also thoroughly enjoyed the young adult serial mystery, Murder by Milkshake by Elizabeth Maria Naranjo. It’s on Amazon’s Vella platform, which I was unfamiliar with, but actually liked.
In the summer of 2021 I was able to travel to visit my family and friends in my hometown. It seemed like a break from the pandemic, and it was a long overdue reset. Getting together with others was such a treat, and my friends even surprised me with a birthday cake. It was definitely memorable (and so thoughtful). A few fancy dinners, a few evenings on porches and patios, and hours and hours of conversation made the long wait worthwhile.
In terms of my professional life, I couldn’t be happier to be back in person with students. I’m hopeful that we won’t have to return to online learning, since I truly believe that my students do so much better in the classroom. My fantastic teammates are with me again this year, and they make all the difference. I’m also continuing to work on my National Board certification. I recently received my score from one of the four components, so now I have two down and two to go (and one is about halfway done, so that’s a plus).
My home is warm, thanks to a long anticipated upgrade to our heating/cooling system, and as of tomorrow I’ll once again be able to do laundry, thanks to an emergency upgrade to my laundry room. My dog is recovering from surgery, and she seems quite comfortable, so I’m happy with that too. Did all those things add up? Yes, but we’re able to handle them, so that’s something else to be thankful for.
And of course there’s my family. My son started grad school in 2021, and he’s doing really well. He also landed an internship that begins next week, so his 2022 is off to a great start. We have all managed to stay reasonably healthy (knock on wood), and I even learned to love exercise last summer. I can’t wait to get back into the pool and start again.
I may not live a fairy tale life, but I’ve got it pretty good. Everyday I wake up with a roof over my head, clean water and indoor plumbing in my home, and a good job to go to. I have people in my world who I love, and who love me. I have an education, a voice, and the ability to apply both. I have food in the fridge, money in the bank, and access to good healthcare. I have a television, computer, and phone to keep me connected to the world outside my home. All things considered, I have a lot to look forward to in 2022 and the future. I hope you do as well, and that your 2022 is healthy, safe, and rewarding.
BulgingButtons 