life lessons | BulgingButtons

If you could have anything, what would it be?

Ok, I know this is totally cheating, but I’m going to go for it anyway. If I could have anything it would be a happy life. See what I did there? Happy life encompasses it all, doesn’t it? For example, I would know that my son is headed in the right direction toward a bright future.

I would have good health and so would my loved ones. I would have a rewarding career, or, if my financial situation allowed it, a rewarding series of pastimes. Of course I wouldn’t worry about not having enough money for bills, saving for a rainy day, or scary medical tests. My loving relationship would continue to grow and flourish. If I could have this elusive happy life, I would have no worries.

I know it’s pie in the sky nonsense, and that into every life a little rain must fall, or something like that, but it’s nice to think about. It’s nice to dream of a world without illness and loss. It’s nice to think about a future free of challenges and obstacles. The reality, though, is that we all have those things in our lives, to a greater or lesser degree. The real test of a person is in how they react to all that stuff. Oh, I know that’s not an original thought, and the scholarly readers in the audience will be quick to supply quotes proving that I’m just rehashing old news (and not terribly eloquently either), but I do believe it’s true. So maybe the gift isn’t in having it all, maybe the gift is in the lessons learned when we don’t.

Our blogs morph over time, as interests shift and life happens. Write a post for your blog — but three years in the future. *

It’s hard to believe that senior year has begun for my son. Things were a little rocky at times earlier in his high school career, but he managed to get it together. He’s put himself in a great position as far as college choices go, and I couldn’t be prouder. We have some campus visits lined up, and he has some ideas about where he might want to go, but it’s all still up in the air. It’s an exciting time for him, but for me it’s definitely a mixed blessing.

Of course I want him to move on to the next stage of his life, but I worry that he won’t be ready. Will he be mature and independent enough to manage on his own? Will he use his time wisely? Will he surround himself with positive people making good choices? Did I, at that age? I know he’s very different than I am in a lot of ways, but we have plenty of similarities too. Those are what worry me. I give up too easily on things that matter and hang on too long to things that don’t. I’ve seen this trait in him, especially the giving up.

He and I can both succumb to “all or nothing” thinking, which isn’t a good thing. You can usually be a little wrong, a little off, or a little late and still not have disaster befall you. In college I would skip a lecture rather than walk in two minutes late. What a waste. Has he learned these lessons yet? Have I had enough time to teach him? Or will he have to learn them on his own, as I did?

This feels like my last shot at being his mom. Once he leaves for college everything will change. Change is good, but change is difficult. He and I have been through a lot together, and I don’t feel quite ready to let him go. Fortunately I don’t have to, at least not quite yet.

*Clearly I am in denial, because after writing this I realized that he will be a senior in TWO years, not three. I am NOT ready.