Not bad for a fat girl

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You Can’t Hide a Sonoran Hot Dog, At Least Not From the Scale

8370380481_1b40089c4b“What’s a Sonoran Hot Dog?” you ask.

It’s pure genius. For those of you who like hot dogs (and I imagine that’s most of you) this is a wonderful South of the Border twist. It’s a hot dog served with chilis, pinto beans, tomato, cheese, and mayo. Mmmmm. I know it may not sound all that great, but trust me, it’s fantastic. Oh, and did I mention that it’s typically wrapped in bacon? Yeah. It is.

Now in my defense, the dog I had yesterday was only based on a Sonoran Hot Dog. It was lacking the bacon. It did, however, have everything else, and it was fabulous. So was the steak dinner complete with baked potato and wine and half a piece of lemon cake, and so was the dinner at the fondue restaurant. Oh, and the drinks from Starbucks and that croissant, and the ice cream cone and the tacos and beer and the oatmeal cookie and the piece of cake at the baby shower. It was all fabulous. And it was all a mistake.

I know I messed up, but for some reason I kept messing up. I needed to go to my Weight Watchers meeting and assess the damage so I could start doing damage control. I knew I gained back some of the 15 pounds I lost, but I didn’t know how much. I braced myself. There was no point in waiting any longer. I wasn’t going to magically change my ways without a kick in the rear. So, steeling myself, I went. I got on the scale expecting the worst, and got the news. Yes, I gained. But here’s the bizarre part… it was less than two pounds!

How did that happen? It must be all the physical activity I’ve been doing recently. That’s all I can think of, because my eating has been way off track (see paragraph two). I dodged a bullet for sure, and now I get to dust myself off and start over. Every day you get to start over. It doesn’t matter if it’s weight loss, addiction, relationships, or exercise. Every day you get to begin again. I love that about life. Even if I mess up today I get to have another crack at it all tomorrow.

I did mess up today. Not just with my eating, but with my friend. We made tentative plans to have lunch together. I knew I might have to do something that would make it impossible to meet her, so I told her I would confirm. I didn’t. I just plain forgot. I forget things so I set reminders in my phone. Well, for some reason my phone decided to do nothing but act as a clock for several hours. I missed the reminder. I missed her text messages. I missed the lunch. I wouldn’t have been able to meet her anyway, but I needed to let her know. I felt like a heel. Lucky for me, she’s a good friend and very forgiving. Now I need to be as forgiving to myself and my dear friends are to me.

Don’t we all deserve to treat ourselves as we would treat our closest friends? We wouldn’t beat them up (verbally I mean) for making a mistake, would we? But we do hold them accountable. We aren’t doormats, but we do forgive and move on. I think I need to remember that as I work to be my own best friend more often than my own worst enemy.



All or Nothing Has Got to Go

I don’t know where we get the “all or nothing” attitude. I suppose it stems from perfectionism. If we can’t do it all, why bother doing anything? But that thinking is flawed, and it keeps us stuck.the-Dreamer

I’ve been thinking about this as a negative, but let me turn it to the positive for a moment. I’m a “big picture” kind of person. A while back I had a principal who provided the whole staff with Strengthsfinder 2.0 books, and we all took the test to find our strengths. I wasn’t terribly surprised to find that my strongest came out as “ideation.”

According to the Strengthsfinder folks, “People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.” In other words, I see things as part of a whole, and can envision how they all connect together. This is very helpful when I’m planning lessons and units in school, when I’m renovating parts of my home, or when I’m designing a quilt.

The flip side of this, for me anyway, is that I sometimes get lost in the details. I know what I want the whole thing to look like and how I want it to function, but all the little bits and pieces of making it happen sometimes trip me up. That’s where I get stuck.

Instead of writing a whole novel, I need to start with an outline. Instead of cleaning the whole house, I need to wash the dishes. Instead of losing 100 pounds, I need to go for a walk. Breaking down these big goals into smaller, more manageable ones, isn’t hard, it just doesn’t come easily or naturally to me. I want to do it all, and I want to do it now. I know that’s not realistic for large goals, so I tend to do nothing instead. How crazy is that?¬†dreamer_by_tgphotographer

I have to stop myself and make myself hear how ridiculous I’m being. I would never expect a student to get an idea for a research paper then turn in that finished paper the same morning. I wouldn’t expect my son to take up a new sport and be and expert¬†at it in the same week. I wouldn’t expect my dog to master a new behavior the first time she tries it. So why do I expect so much of myself?

I CAN lose a hundred pounds. It will take a long time and I will get tripped up along the way, but I have to expect that and forgive myself and keep moving forward. I CAN be a published author, but not if I don’t hone my craft and submit my writing to publishers. I CAN keep my home neat and tidy, but not if I don’t spend 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there to keep up with it.

Many imperfect steps in the correct direction will lead me far further down the path I wish to travel than just a few perfect steps. I have to keep this in mind and just keep moving. Living in a state of inertia, while easy, holds no rewards. With risk comes reward, and with work comes success. Wish me success and I try to learn this lesson over and over again.