November | 2014 | BulgingButtons

November 13, 2014
by BulgingButtons 2 Comments

Throwback Thursday- The Orthodontist

This evening my son had soup for dinner. It was about all he could manage, after a trip to the orthodontist this morning. Usually he’s fine after his visits, but today was a different story. He’s nearing the end of his braces-wearing days, and his orthodontist did something to speed him across the finish line.

I feel badly for him. I know how much orthodontia can hurt. I endured years of it myself. Too many years, in fact. Here are some fun facts about my personal experience with the world of orthodontics.

1. The nightmare began with some sort of wire along the roof of my mouth when I was just five. I’m pretty sure that nowadays that sort of thing would be classified as child abuse.

2. My orthodontist was also my mother’s orthodontist, which means he was about a hundred and twenty years old by the time I got to him.

3. The orthodontist occupied the top floor of the same medical building where my dad had his dermatology practice. Once in a while we would stop in and see him, but not often.

4. There was a coffee shop on the ground floor of the building. The cook’s name was Jasper, and he made excellent grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate milkshakes.

5. Every year at Halloween the orthodontist displayed the same poster of a ton of Halloween candy with a revolting looking witch with rotten teeth.

6. The orthodontist collected old mechanical banks, and a few times he showed me some of them in action.

7. My baby teeth never fell out. Whenever he discovered one that was even slightly wiggly, he would yank it out with a tool that looked like it belonged to an auto mechanic. Anesthesia? I wish.

8. Remember Anthony Michael Hall’s headgear in Sixteen Candles? Yeah, I had one of those.

9. There was a display case in each exam room with row upon row of plaster casts of various snaggle-toothed mouths. There must have been decades worth of hapless patients represented in those cases.

10. The nightmare finally ended when I was fourteen. Nine. Years. Later. I’m fairly certain there’s something in the Geneva Convention about that.

I’m glad the field of orthodontics has evolved. For the most part, my son’s experience has been fairly painless, and his orthodontist has never yanked any of his teeth out with pliers. Still, I’m looking forward to the end. Even after all these years, I still get a little nervous every time I walk through the orthodontist’s door.

November 12, 2014
by BulgingButtons Leave a comment

Waking Up Afraid

What frightens you? Just about everything frightens me. I credit that to growing up in a household where my mother was just sure that everyone and everything was out to get us. As the old saying goes, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.”

When I was a kid I would memorize shifty-looking people’s faces in line at the bank, in case the sketch artist needed my information after they robbed the place. In restaurants I would scope out the exits and calculate the path to the kitchen from our table. I even had a plan for a home invasion- I would hide under my bed. Clever, right?

As I grew up, I outgrew a lot of these fears, but I still startle easily and I still have no problem envisioning worst case scenarios. I don’t dwell on these things, though, at least not during the daylight hours. In my sleep, though, sometimes my fears get the best of me.

Last night, for example, I woke up sweating, with my heart pounding. What was the source of this terror? A bad dream, of course. But it wasn’t just bad, it was terrifying. When I think about it, I’m not sure why it was so scary. Let me tell you the dream, or what I remember of it.

I was someplace semi-public (the synagogue I visited last weekend comes to mind) and I was in a restroom stall there. I saw a pair of legs and feet on the other side of the door that I recognized as one of my nephews. I asked him what he was doing in the ladies room, but he didn’t answer. Instead he walked out and turned off the light. I was plunged into complete darkness. I kept calling his name for him to come back and turn on the light, but he didn’t come. That was it. That was what woke me up terrified. Crazy, right?

In real life I’m not afraid of my nephew, and I’ve been in a restroom where someone has turned off the light. It didn’t incite panic in me. I’m sure I had my purse with me in the dream and could have used my phone to light the way, or even if not I could have figured out how to get out or even waited a few minutes until someone else came in and turned the light on. By the light of the day, my rational mind doesn’t see this scenario as too big of a deal, but in my dream state it was terrifying.

What do you think? Have I lost my mind? Am I afraid of being left in the dark? What does this dream, and my extreme reaction to it, mean about me? Any guesses are welcome. Also, I’m curious to know, what scares you when you turn out the lights?

November 11, 2014
by BulgingButtons 7 Comments

Love Those Boots

Love the style

I’m super excited to post about something totally frivolous and silly. Boots. In my former life as a person who lived in the Great Lakes region, there was nothing silly about boots. Boots were a necessity, and, like most people there I had good ones.

Over the years, I had L.L. Bean boots and Timberland boots and various other boots to keep my tootsies dry and toasty warm. That is not an easy task when you’re plunging your feet into snowbanks and slogging across slushy parking lots. Those boots had to WORK.

Now, however, I have no such issues. I don’t need boots. I live in the desert Southwest. Oh, sure, hiking boots (you know, for those challenging hikes I’m always taking), but real boots? Nope. But what about fashion?

Fashion? Boots? Fat woman? I’ve heard that it’s possible, but I wasn’t convinced. That is, until last year when I happened across a really cute pair of ankle boots at Lane Bryant. They were hip. They were fun. They were comfortable. They were reasonably priced. They’re currently in my closet.

I really like those boots. I wear them and enjoy them. I even feel pretty stylish in them. Who would have thought?

Then today, something really odd happened. I went shopping. For clothes. Bras, to be exact, if you must know. Why is that odd? Because I seriously dislike clothes shopping, thank you very much. I was alone, though, and had some time between appointments, and found myself near a Lane Bryant store, so I stopped in.

As I felt myself being pulled to the legging display, Alma, the sales associate, welcomed me and informed me that the entire store was on sale for 40% off. Really? 40%? That’s pretty good, I thought, as I grabbed a pair of leggings to try on. I continued to wander the store, and spied a great looking pair of boots. Real boots, not ankle boots.

They would look great with the leggings, I thought. They would be perfect with a skirt, I thought. They would be useful on my upcoming winter vacation, I thought. They’re 40% off, I thought. They’re currently in my closet, getting to know the ankle boots.

I love these boots. I love that they’re stylish, that they didn’t cost a fortune, and that they’re comfortable. The thing I love most, though, is that they’re made for women like me. They have an elasticized panel in the back so they can be easily worn by women who have a little (or a lot of) extra calf to cover. They are the first boots I have worn successfully in years.

The last time I went looking for a pair of real boots I ended up buying a pair that was too big and slouching them down since they wouldn’t go over my calves. I was desperate since I was heading to snow country, and time and budget limitations forced me to settle for those awful boots. I donated them as soon as I returned from that trip. Not this time. This time I have a beautiful, stylish pair that I can enjoy. Thank you Lane Bryant, you made my day.