BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Category Archives: Fashion


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Nobody Looks at the Fat Chick Anyway

suitcaseI’m going out of town, to a family event. There are religious services involved, and at least two family celebrations. It’s back east, where the weather is colder and the events tend to be more formal. I just packed.

The last family event was my niece’s Bat Mitzvah, four months ago. It was summertime, so it wasn’t quite as dressy as an autumn event, but the daytime portion of the program was still a dress up affair. The evening party was advertised as casual, but really nobody wore what I would consider to be truly casual clothes. I wore a cute skirt and top, and was very comfortable with my choice. I didn’t even cringe when I saw the pictures the photographer snapped of me.

This weekend, however, is a different story. First of all, I don’t have a huge dress up wardrobe. A simple dress is about as dressy as I usually get, plus I have a couple of skirts and jackets that occasionally get pressed into service. Secondly, I’m currently the size of a small nation. I’ve gained weight since the last family event, and I’m dreading seeing my mother and hearing whatever “loving” comments she’ll make about it. I feel like a blob, and I feel like nothing fits me. I caught sight of my reflection in the window the other night eating dinner, and frankly I was taken aback. I’m huge. In fact, I’m terrified that when I board the plane in a few hours I’ll have to request a seatbelt extender for the first time in my life.

As I faced the empty suitcase I sucked in a breath and dove in. I mentally rehearsed several outfits, and even tried on a few blouses that I thought were iffy. Finally it dawned on me that nobody expects the fat chick to look good anyway, so why was I making myself crazy over this?

C’mon, you know it’s true. If you’re a big fat person like me, that’s all people really see. They don’t care that you’re dressed well or poorly, unless you’re off the charts on either end of the spectrum. Since I’m not going out shopping with a stylist (but wouldn’t that be great? My own personal episode of What Not to Wear!) and I’m not planning on turning into a hobo between now and my flight time, I have to be satisfied with what I have.

No, I won’t be the best dressed woman there, but I won’t be the worst dressed either, I’m sure. I put in some decent separates, and decided that I would make my final wardrobe decision just before each event. My family will be happy to see me for me, and the strangers in the room will only see the fat girl anyway, so it’s time to quit worrying.


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Why Being Fat Sucks – Round Two

Seriously, it’s no fun. Here’s the next installment in the being fat sucks series (see part one here).

 

1. Socks dig into your legs.

2. Your bra side panels sometimes get sucked into the caverns created by your back fat.

3. You have to strategically plan your path through a crowded room.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

Trust me, the fat woman is mortified.

4. You bump into every single person along the aisle of the airplane as you walk by.

5. What looks cute on your friends looks absurd on you.

6. Getting out of bed is literally the first challenge of the day.

7. You learn to avoid mirrors, thus failing to notice spinach in your teeth and other ugly details.

8. Your seatbelt never sits quite right so you’re always adjusting it.

9. You worry about riding in other people’s cars, also because of the seatbelt issue.

10. Zip-lining? Forget it.

11. You actually read the weight limits on ladders before you step on them.

12. You avoid folding chairs like the plague (and keep your own super duty chair in the car, just in case).

13. You imagine you would kill the poor mule if you were to sign up for the mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

14. Your feet hurt.

15. You get winded far too quickly.

16. You avoid being in pictures, even of events that you want to remember. When you are in pictures, you dislike what you see.

17. Clothes generally either feel tight or sloppy.

18. Even purse straps seem too small.

19. You feel like servers judge your order in restaurants.

20. The sides of chairs leave marks in your legs when you get up.


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Mirror, Mirror, Go Away

My new home has a rather large master bathroom complete with a walk-in closet. It’s quite posh, really. It also features many mirrors. At least it seems that way. And these mirrors are hung at all sorts of angles from one another, creating something of a fun house effect. Or maybe house is horrors is closer to the truth. At least for me.

As I walk through the bathroom, I can’t help but view my entire body from angles that were previously unknown to me.

Picasso's Girl Before a Mirror

Picasso’s Girl Before a Mirror

Last night I caught sight of my full profile, and I stopped. I looked. I saw what everyone else sees all the time. You see, my body doesn’t carry weight the way most bodies do. I carry the majority of my extra weight in my belly, and it sticks way out. I am bigger front to back than side to side. When I look in the mirror I think I know what I look like, but I rarely catch a side view. Now I have one available all the time. Oh goody.

I stood there and gathered up as much of the belly fat as I could and took stock. There’s a lot. Then I let go and looked back in the mirror. I imagined what my body would look like if much of that belly were gone. Yes, there would still be plenty of jiggle to the thighs, and the back fat would still be in place. Yes, the beefy arms would still exist along with the double chin, but I would look pretty darn good. Not photoshop good, mind you, but fit and trim. That body could shop in a department that doesn’t have any sizes with the letter X in them. It would be nice, but it won’t happen by itself.

Those mirrors aren’t going away. They will remain in place to either encourage me or taunt me, as I see fit. It’s up to me to approach them with self love, not loathing. Too many of us hate our bodies, but our bodies deserve our care and tenderness, not our hateful thoughts. Regardless of the body I’m in, I will care for it and thank it for all the wonderful things it can do. And when I’m feeling really motivated, I’ll take it out for a spin, just to make sure all the parts are still working.