panties | BulgingButtons

I’m a believer in comfort. It’s difficult enough moving through life in this oversized body, putting uncomfortable clothing on it would be asking too much.

As a result of my commitment to comfort I swore off underwire bras many years ago. Why? Well, they hurt. Who needs that in her life? Not this gal. As a result I found a line of bras at Lane Bryant that has no underwire and actually comes in my size. Hooray! I bought them. Lots of them. Tan, pale pink, hot pink with polka dots, grey, black, and cobalt blue. Multiples of some of them, even. I was happy.

Then, I decided I needed some new underwear. It happens. The elastic stretches out, the seams fray, they’ve run their course. Off to Lane Bryant I went, because no matter what other underwear I try, the hipsters from Lane Bryant are my go-to undies. Oh, and they have to be cotton, please and thank you.

Well, as I was collecting various pairs of undies, the bras caught my eye. It had been a while since I bought one, and it was probably about time. The clerk noticed me checking them out and asked me my size. I hemmed and hawed a bit, because I really couldn’t remember. That’s when she asked me about doing a fitting. Uh, okay.

You will not be surprised to know that these are not images of me.

She did her magic (not really, just a couple of quick measurements) and suggested a size and a couple of styles. Off I went to try them on, and immediately I was amazed that everything seemed to sit at a new, higher elevation. Still, it didn’t feel quite right, so I took the opportunity to ask the clerk (a different one) who was helping the lady next to me with her bra, for some additional help.

She determined that the size was right, but the style was wrong. She brought me something else, and voilà! I was amazed. I looked good! And it even had underwires. So apparently they only hurt if your bra doesn’t fit correctly. Who knew?

I’m now the proud owner of new underwear and bras, what an exciting time in my life! Thank you Lane Bryant for making things that fit me, and thank you to the ladies in the store for helping me find the right fit.

Tomorrow is Saturday, prime house hunting day, and I have a hot new listing. At least I hope it’s hot.

I wonder if anyone will come see my house tomorrow. If they do I don’t want to be here to bother them. That means that we have to be ready to bug out on a moment’s notice. It’s kind of exciting but really more irritating than anything. Still, it must be done, so we might as well prepare for it.

Not my actual panties, but I have lots like these.

I have gone over this place with a fine tooth comb trying to figure out how to make it both look good to a stranger, and still work for my family. One of the things I’ve realized is that having a shelf full of plus sized panties in the closet may not be a turn on for everyone. Off to the store I went and purchased cubes that fit on the shelves. There is a panty cube, a bra cube, and a pajama cube. The other clothes don’t seem as intimate, so they’re all folded neatly on the shelves. That should be ok, right?

I do have a fear of my son leaving his underwear on the floor of his bathroom and nobody but a potential buyer noticing. It could happen. Now no sane person would allow the purchase of a home to hinge upon a single pair of plaid boxer shorts, but still, the image gives me a chill.

I feel like a need a checklist to help me stay on top of this clean and neat house thing. I’m such a sucker for lists! I don’t know why, exactly. It seems that most of the time I end up ignoring them once I’ve created them. I wonder why that is. Maybe the creating is enough for me. I detect a lack of follow through.

1. ALL clothes put away (drawers, hamper, whatever)

2. ALL dishes put away (cupboards or dishwasher)

3. ALL beds made (there are only two, not difficult)

4. ALL window blinds open (it just looks better when it’s sunnier)

5. ALL flat surfaces cleared off (this one is going to be a challenge)

6. ALL dog hair cleaned up (OMG, this isn’t easy either)

7. ALL poop picked up (an overshare perhaps?)

Ok, I think we’ve got this. Hopefully we won’t have to keep this up for very long. I predict a week and a half at most. It’s the power of positive thinking, people. You know, the Law of Attraction? I’m a believer. Now to stash the laptop and wait for the crowds to arrive.