procrastination | BulgingButtons

February 2, 2014
by BulgingButtons 11 Comments

Recommitment or Let’s Try This Again

Tomorrow is February 3. That means that in five months it will be my birthday. The day that will end the 47 for 47 Challenge year. On that day I will have either met my goals or not. I don’t anticipate sitting at the computer on my birthday studying the list, alternately congratulating myself and beating myself up, although I suppose that could happen. Just knowing that the list is there for all to see and wonder at is pretty powerful motivation to get going on some of those items.

The whole reason I began blogging was for me to spout off about how wonderful I am (or not) and how great a job I was doing taking care of myself (or not). Sadly, it’s been more of the not, but happily, the blog has grown beyond that original seed of an idea, so even with my many screw ups there’s still something interesting to read from time to time. There must be. People keep coming back, and new readers find me and follow BulgingButtons every day. How amazing is that?

But I digress. It’s a talent of mine. Not digression per se, but procrastination. I’m taking the long way around telling you that I’m ready to get back up on that horse. I’m ready to eat my fruits and veggies and do my exercise. I’m ready to drink my water and hold myself accountable. I’m ready to try again.

I know, you’ve heard it all before. You are patient, bearing with me all this time. You’ve listened to me wax poetic about delicious meals and sedentary pursuits. You’ve endured my whiny musings on feeling low, sick, discouraged, and frustrated. You’ve nodded politely when I’ve gotten excited about some small victory or another, and through it all you’ve hung in there with me. You are warriors.

You tune in hoping for some news of progress, some positive report from the front line, but I offer you little. A scrap here, a morsel there. Still, you support me. You forgive me my sins. You remind me that I’m only human, after all. You offer your hugs and support and encouragement and laughter. You open your worlds to me, and what do I give you in return?

Hopefully you know that I give you a piece of myself. I write from the heart (how disgustingly cliche, I’m sorry). I don’t sugar coat, and I don’t worry much about hurt feelings. I do, but not in my writing, because I’m generally a pretty open-minded nice person. I’m not likely to say anything cutting or mean, so I don’t worry about censoring myself, after all, I know I’m not going to yell at you. I’m far more likely to yell at me.

I try to give you something to think about, or smile at. I try to stay positive and upbeat and focus on the good things in life. I try to offer my observations and experiences in a way that’s interesting or thought provoking. I’m not trying to tell anyone who to be or what to think, but I’m allowing you all a glimpse of who I am and what I think. That doesn’t sound like a significant contribution to the good of humankind, but right now it’s what I’ve got to offer, take it or leave it.

This was supposed to be the year of loving myself enough to do all that I needed to make my life as wonderful as possible. I’ve done a lot of positive things, but I have so much more to do. It’s a little like getting my house ready to sell. I want to fixate on tiny inconsequential things at the expense of the obvious. In terms of the house it’s simple, CLEAN UP. In terms of my life it’s simple too, LOSE WEIGHT.

I think I can lose 50 pounds in 5 months. That’s sane and safe and would go a long way toward improving my health and life. There, I’ve written it. That makes it real.

I’m cleaning up and resisting the temptation to do silly things like rearrange drawers. I’m also committing to eating better and moving more. That’s about as much as I can handle right now. I did go to the grocery store and purchase some delicious mandarins, salad, yogurt, carrots, hummus, orange juice, and water to wash it all down.

I also purchased some light beer. Hey, it’s the Super Bowl, and the sweetheart is in the kitchen cooking his yearly pot of gourmet chili. I better take my walk before the festivities begin. Besides, the 3rd isn’t until tomorrow.

January 18, 2014
by BulgingButtons 13 Comments

Deferred Maintenance

It’s early Saturday morning, the start of a three day weekend. I should be nestled under the covers, snoozing away, but instead I’m here, checking on the service hours of my auto shop. I should have done that ahead of time. They opened an hour ago. I should have been there at that time. I was asleep.

You see I’ve been driving with a “check engine” light on for the past week or more and I need to take the car in. I know it’s just for an overdue oil change, but those oil changes are important. I understand that, and yet I keep driving that poor car and telling myself that it’s just a few more miles, and I’ll get the oil changed soon. Wrong approach. I know this. Now I’m up earlier than I would like and I’m about to head out on this chilly morning to finally take care of business. Still, I’m procrastinating, telling you all about this exciting event rather than just doing it. Why do I do this?

It’s not just the poor car, either. Right next to me on the desk are two cards that I received in the mail. The first is from the dentist’s office. They miss me. The second is from the vet. They miss my dog. Again, just routine stuff, a cleaning, some vaccinations, basic maintenance issues. I must make those appointments.

I wonder why I do this. I would never deliberately damage my car, harm my dog, or wreck my teeth, but by not maintaining them properly that’s what I’m doing. I do it with my health too. I’m overdue for a lab appointment, and I’m dreading going in.

I think I know what’s going on here. I blame it on being busy, and honestly I AM busy, but that’s not the whole story. I think I’m afraid of bad news. I don’t want to know that there’s a huge repair that needs to be made to the car, or that my cholesterol level has gone back up, or that I have a new cavity. I’m like the ostrich with its head in the sand. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. However, as we all know, that’s a lie.

It’s time to get going and face the music. Or the Muzak as the case may be. I think that’s what they play in the waiting room of the auto service center.

December 25, 2013
by BulgingButtons 17 Comments

A Gear Called Overdrive

Too Late For That! Maybe next year I’ll read the multi-part series that promises sanity.

It’s time. I can’t put it off one more minute (but I am by blogging). I MUST finish what I started. Company is coming, the turkey has to go in the oven, and that kitchen is not going to clean itself up. It’s time for OVERDRIVE!

My dear friends, I must tear myself away from the computer, pull out the cooking and cleaning supplies, and get to it. I HATE this feeling. I HATE that I procrastinate. I do it all the time, and it causes me so much stress and negativity. I’m not a negative person. I don’t need the stress.

If only I had used the tips for a Stress Free Christmas!

“It’ll all get done,” are words that fall from my lips far too often. The thing is, it does. Mostly. But it doesn’t get done with the same quality that I might prefer. Take my health. Sure, I’ll lose the weight. Someday. Surely it won’t be today with the menu I have planned, unless I forego everything but the green beans. And exercise? It’ll happen. Eventually. Sheesh.

I can’t spend too much time mentally beating myself up. It interferes with overdrive mode. Positive self talk is far more effective. Now I’m off to do all that must me done. Merry Christmas all! And may you have a happy, healthful, peaceful, and restful celebration.