Food | BulgingButtons

May 18, 2014
by BulgingButtons 9 Comments

Check Me Out – But Not Too Closely

Blog stats are a funny thing. They can give a blogger a sense of what people are interested in reading, and they can practically make a blogger (ok, me) giddy when they spike. I want to be read! I also get a kick out of checking out the map. I enjoy it when people from far-flung places visit, even if I suspect the majority of them aren’t actually reading the content.

That being said, I still have to write content that’s worth reading. My dear readers, I know I’ve been missing that mark more times than hitting it lately. What can I say, other than, I’m sorry? I promise to try harder.

Still, you continue to hang with me, and some of you are even getting out your tool belts and rolling up your sleeves to dig around BulgingButtons to unearth some oldies but goodies. I think it’s often the catchy titles that attract readers to start with. Some of the posts with the most hits have odd titles, like “Goodbye Zebra Mules,” and “The Devil, Karma, and Frito Pie.” Hopefully, though, you enjoy more than just the title.

Hopefully you enjoy reading about my daily ups and downs, and the perils of being a fat girl in a skinny (or desperately trying to be skinny) world. Today’s fat girl problem: the shelf. You know, that place along the boob line where dropped food always seems to hit before careening off into the unknown (or just settling there).

As I write, I am wearing yet another shirt with a stain along the shelf. Why? Because salad dressing stains. Yes, I got it on myself while I was at lunch with my friend. The food never goes straight down when it falls off the fork (and why exactly does it fall off the fork in the first place? I don’t know). It invariably hits the shelf and leaves a tell-tale mark, which, 90% of the time leaves a stain.

This is why fat women wear prints. The stains are far less noticeable on a print than they are on a field of solid lavender (like the shirt I have most recently stained). This is also why this fat girl hates to spend much on shirts or dresses. About 1 in 5 never make it past the first wearing. 20% people! This is a distressingly high statistic. It’s alarming, really.

What can be done? I don’t know. A better fork? Less messy food? IV fluids only? It seems like there are some options out there. This problem needs a solution, and it needs it fast, because I’m running out of clothes, and I really don’t want to go shopping.

May 14, 2014
by BulgingButtons 10 Comments

Seven Days, Seven Pounds

I almost don’t want to write this, because I’m pretty sure it will jinx it, but my first week at Weight Watchers was a resounding success. One week in and I’m seven pounds down. Can I get a woot woot?

I know that wine and cheesecake really aren’t part of the program, so I’m not expecting week two to look quite as rosy. I also know that the first week typically has the greatest weight loss. Something about “water weight” whatever that is. I don’t even think it’s a real thing. I think my body is just in shock.

It’s in shock that multiple fruits and vegetables have crossed my lips over the past week. For normal people that isn’t odd, but for me, the queen of all things bad for one’s health, it’s kind of incredible. Over the past week I’ve eaten carrots, beans, onions, broccoli, spinach, lettuce, cucumbers, peppers, corn, potatoes, avocado, blueberries, apples, bananas, raisins, cranberries, and blackberries.

I’m impressed with myself. My fantasy list looks more like this: frappucino, pizza, double cheeseburger, wine, cupcakes, pop tarts, sour cream and onion ruffles, chocolate, Indian food, chili, and chicken wings.

I have to get that out of my system, both literally and figuratively. I don’t need those things, I just like them. I need to keep working on reprogramming my mind. The less garbage I eat the less I want it, and the more healthy food I eat, the more I enjoy it. For some reason I keep forgetting this fact. Whoever said old habits die hard hit the nail on the head.

I’m thrilled with my seven pound loss, but I’m more excited about moving in the direction of making choices that will ultimately help me live a fuller, healthier life. Seven pounds is nothing. Good health and feeling good is everything.

May 13, 2014
by BulgingButtons 6 Comments

So Relieved It’s Not Just Me

I always think that I’m the only one who does things that are less than smooth, although I know that isn’t the case. Still, when someone I admire messes up, it kind of makes me do a little happy dance. Not big mess ups, mind you, I’m not like that. It’s just the little flubs that happen to everyone from time to time that put a smile on my face.

Hopefully it’s not because I’m a real jerk, although it might be. I don’t think so, though. I think it’s because those little goof ups remind me that I’m not alone in my imperfection. Naturally I knew this, but somehow these little reminders from time to time help me keep my own mess ups in perspective.

You see, I don’t think anything less of my friends and colleagues when they have little lapses in common sense, but I do tend to get down on myself. I mentally scold myself for being clumsy, or forgetful, or hasty, or what have you. Would I do that to my friends? Never! Instead, I try to help them laugh off the moment. Or I drink wine with them.

Huh?

Well, yes. Sometimes when you mess up the best thing to do is to have a glass of wine. It was tonight.

Let me explain. Tonight I went to a friend’s for dinner. There were five of us in all, and when I arrived the other four were standing on the driveway. “What a warm reception,” I thought to myself. I was wrong.

Sure, I was welcomed warmly, but the group was outside because the hostess managed to lock herself out as she was sweeping the porch in preparation for our arrival. Oops. Naturally her phone was inside and her husband was out of town. So was her neighbor with the spare key. Uh oh.

The locksmith was stuck in traffic, it was a beautiful evening, and a kind neighbor (who earlier tried to pick the lock… what?) brought over a corkscrew and some plastic cups. Off to the back patio we went, bottles of wine in hand (who goes to a friend’s for dinner without wine?). It ended up being a lovely cocktail hour and after we got inside, a lovely dinner.

My friend handled the situation with grace, and a laugh. What else can you do? Beat yourself up over a simple mistake? But that’s what we do to ourselves. We could all relax a little, sit back with our glass of wine and take a deep breath as remember that after all, we’re only human.