BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl

Category Archives: Weight Loss


by 6 Comments

I’m Okay, But What Does Depression Really Look Like?

There’s been so much talk about mental health in general and depression specifically recently that I’m questioning what depression really looks like. I know some general information about depression, like that it has nothing to do with how fabulous your life seems to be from the outside. Cruel, isn’t it? You can work hard, do your best, love and be loved, and yet still be depressed. An outsider might envy your life, when in reality you are struggling just to get through the day.

I’m not struggling to get through my days, thank goodness. My life is pretty great, in fact. I have a terrific kid, a loving relationship, great family, good friends, a career I enjoy, a comfortable home, I’m well educated, I have interests and connections, and yet…

94923.original-6151.jpgSomething just feels kind of off. I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I know I should. I haven’t been exercising. I’ve been eating terribly. I’ve been feeling sort of detatched, if that makes any sense. I have time on my hands and I feel like I’m just wasting it. I’m tired for no reason. I’m achy. I’m taking my medications, so I don’t think it’s my body. Is it my mind? Am I depressed? Why would I be? But something isn’t right.

When I think of depression I think of someone who is overwhelmingly sad. That’s not me. I think of someone who has difficulty functioning. That’s not me. But then again it wasn’t some of the well-known people who recently died by suicide. NO. I am not suicidal. I am simply out of sorts, and I don’t like it. I’m usually pretty chill, with a side of optimism, but recently I’ve been more “meh.” I’d like to shake that off, and get back to feeling like myself. Maybe I just need to exercise more, I do know it helps a person’s outlook. But maybe there’s something more. I’m just not sure.

Tomorrow I have my annual check up. It should be super-fun. This, of course, is sarcasm. I don’t enjoy my check up, and I don’t know many people who do. This one will be particularly bad, because I know I haven’t taken care of myself the way I should have. I’m supposed to be losing weight, but I’m certain I’ve gained. I imagine I’ll get scolded for that. UGH. I think I better talk to my provider about my state of mind. Maybe he can help. Talking about it is a step in the right direction, anyway, at least I think it is. Wish me luck.


by 6 Comments

Five Years of Blogging

The other day WordPress was kind enough to let me know that it was my five year anniversary of blogging. Happy Anniversary to me and BulgingButtons! And thank you, to each and every one of you who has read anything I have written. The kind feedback this blog has generated has been quite amazing to me.

When I begin, I thought I would be writing about my weight loss and fitness struggles. Here we are, five years later, and I am still struggling. In fact, I might be struggling more now than ever. Still, many of you have been with me since the early days, and have shown nothing but kindness, encouragement, and support.

No longer is this simply a blog about weight loss and the struggle it entails. It has become a reflection of my life in general. Family, relationships, teaching, and my world outlook have all found their way onto this website. My little corner of the Internet is where I plop things down for all of you to see. Sometimes I’m proud of what I’ve written, and other times I cringe a little when I hit the publish button, but it’s all authentic. It’s all from the heart.

Thank you for hanging out with me at Bulgingbuttons. Let’s keep supporting one another, and keep on keeping on.


by 2 Comments

Damn You, Girl Scouts! Seven Problems With Girl Scout Cookies

Okay, I’m not as much of a monster as the title may imply, but really? Cookie sales so early in the year? So close to the resolutions I didn’t make?

Really?

I know that there are different Girl Scout cookie sales windows in different regions, but here in my community the cookie sales have begun. This would be less problematic if any, or better yet all, of the conditions weren’t an issue:

  1. They are so yummy.
  2. I need to get healthier.
  3. There is an adorable little girl scout just waiting for me each morning at school (my dear friend’s kid, whom I’ve known since before her birth).
  4. There are several other girl scouts waiting for me at school.
  5. I used to be a troop leader and sympathize.
  6. I believe in supporting children’s organizations.
  7. They are so frigging yummy. Especially Tagalongs. And Thin Mints. Of course Thin Mints.

So there you have it. My cookie problem is back, and along with it a renewed battle to find the balance between a yummy life and long and healthy life. I’m sure there must be a balance somewhere, but I just haven’t found the sweet spot yet.