BulgingButtons

Not bad for a fat girl


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The Twelfth Day of Christmas – And Boy Do I Feel Fat

My sweetheart gave me a little history of Christmas and the Epiphany today as we took the Christmas lights off the garage. The lesson continued on the way to dinner at Kona Grill. You see, I just got back from Hawai’i and there’s really no food in the house, so dinner out was in order. My sweetie suggested Kona Grill to extend that Hawaiian feeling.

Kona-Grill-Pulled-Pork-SlidersThe lesson was fascinating and I learned about the Twelve Days of Christmas. I also learned that the Christmas season is now officially over, if you count all twelve days. Over. Done. Finished.

Kind of like my vacation. Today was the first day back to school, and it was a long one. Today we tried out a slightly new schedule, regrouped students for both math and reading, and began the study of fractions and magnets. I also had a new student start today, and I worked on report cards after school for two hours. They are not yet finished. Yes, vacation is over. Done. Finished.

This is not a boo hoo, poor me post. I’m very fortunate and I know it. Few people get to take off two weeks in the middle of winter and escape to Hawai’i with loved ones. Few people get to take off two weeks in the middle of winter, period. I enjoyed the time off and I especially enjoyed the trip, but now it’s over and real life has returned.

Real life means bills and laundry and bedtimes and deadlines. It also means a reality check on the state of my health and well being. Mental health? Great. Rested, relaxed, batteries charged and ready to go. Physical health? Uh… not so great. No, I’m not sick (cross fingers, knock on wood, chant a magical incantation, anything to keep me well). However, and this is a big however, I’m not in very good shape either. The holidays and the cruise were delicious and I thoroughly enjoyed them. Now, though, after our fabulous Kona Grill dinner, I have to face the music that, like Christmas, vacation is over. Vacation mode eating needs to end too.

I’m not enthusiastic about facing the scale, but I feel like I have to. I know I’ve gained weight. I see it. I feel it. My clothes are tight, my face has rounded out even further, and my multiple chins are wiggling whenever I speak. Rolling over in bed is becoming paramount to an Olympic event, and tying my shoes is enough to get me winded. I hate this feeling. Ok, so maybe my mental health isn’t quite as fabulous as I first suggested. Just like Jacob Marley I wish to be free of the chains I’ve been forging in this life. To quote Scrooge, “I want to live!”

It’s time to start over. Not those absurd New Year’s Resolutions that some people make, but the baby steps that always lead me in the right direction. I need to revisit my 47 for 47 challenge page, eat better, move more, and allow myself to be ok with who I am, even though I’m not perfect. Here we go again. Here’s to your, and my, health in the New Year.


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Curvy Girl Regular Women Campaign: I freaking love this thing.

Thoughts on finding beauty in all bodies, not just the airbrushed images we are forcefed daily.

fatshionhustler's avatarFatshion Hustlings

Have you guys ever stopped to consider just how rare it is for us to see a photo of a woman in lingerie or other clothing that is sexy and flesh-revealing, that hasn’t been photoshopped?

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Establishing New Habits

Welcome to December. The most wonderful  fattening time of the year. I have a confession to make. I have regained some of the weight I lost back when the blog was new. Maybe all of it. I’m afraid to get on the scale. I know, though. My clothes are tighter again and I don’t feel as energized as I did.

Oh sure, there are lots of reasons. The first and most compelling reason is the change in weather. I was in my pool nearly every day exercising and I LOVED it. Weird. But then it got cooler out and the water became too cold so there went my favorite workout. Boo hoo, poor me.

HT New PackageThere there was my commitment to spending most of my free time in November writing. And write I did! Many many words poured from my brain through my fingertips. A post a day (sometimes more than one) and a rough draft of a novel came out of my head. Amazing. But writers need fuel (I find that Hot Tamales candy makes me particularly creative), and writing is a sedentary activity. My musings on that topic are here. Yep, I know, excuses, excuses.

So there it is. The weight is back and now it’s holiday time and frankly, I’m not feeling all too pleased with  how I’ve been taking care of myself. Or rather how I haven’t been. Oh sure, November was a kick ass month and I’m thrilled with some of the results, but now December calls for some changes.

Besides being holiday time, December is the time of year when I remember a friend who died far too young. She was healthy and vibrant and wonderful and capable. She was a wife and mother and daughter and sister and creative tour de force. That bitch cancer got her and had its way with her. She begged her friends to take care of themselves as best they could. I’m not doing that. I’m sorry.

I’m not saying I want to get healthier out of fear of cancer, per se, but out of respect for it, and heart disease, and diabetes, and all the other nasty complications of obesity. Yes, I’m obese. I know I am, and I don’t love it. (Read some of the reasons why here) I don’t beat myself up over it, because that’s counterproductive, but I do acknowledge it. Intellectually I know I have to get going, but emotionally I’m feeling a little stuck.

I think what stops me in my tracks is the knowledge that I’ve done this a million times before. I get fed up, I shake things up, I make some changes, and I improve my health and fitness levels to a greater or lesser degree. The problem is that I never take it far enough. I lose momentum. I need to develop new habits. Fortunately, November has shown me that I’m perfectly capable of doing just that.

Writing has become a habit for me. Instead of writing once or twice a week (if that) I’m writing once or twice a day, and for longer periods of time. I’m exploring different ways of expressing myself, and I’m not afraid to tackle topics that might have intimidated me previously. I need to take that determination and drive into the battle for my health. This is a fight I need to win. I must create new habits. I better warm up the treadmill and dust off my awesome pink boxing gloves. I have proven to myself that I can take on and complete a challenge. My new challenge is taking care of myself. Anyone care to join me? One step at a time, one change at a time, one day at a time.