diet | BulgingButtons

April 5, 2014
by BulgingButtons 24 Comments

My Buttons Are Still Bulging

It occurs to me that this blog, which started off so hopeful and energetic, is taking a turn for the suck-ish. Sure, there are lots of you who read every post (or nearly every) and very often you leave helpful, encouraging feedback. I love you for it more than you will every know. But honestly, I’m afraid that lately I’m not giving you what you came for.

Bulging Buttons, the blog. I liked the sound of it. It neatly summed up my physical state in a way that was realistic, but not too harsh or judgmental. I started off strong. I was eating well (sometimes), working out (sometimes), and writing a lot. I had plans… big plans. Forty-seven of them, to be precise. I was going to get fit, dammit, and take you all along for the ride. Woo Hoo! Great plan right? Except it hasn’t happened.

As usual, life got in the way of my big plans. No, I’m not going to offer up lots of excuses. I really don’t have any. Nothing horrible has happened in my life over the past several months. In fact, it’s been rather fabulous. I’m enjoying my work, my relationship is great, and life in general is pretty darn good. Okay, so the house hasn’t sold as quickly as I might have liked, but really I’m ok. Considering that’s the biggest stress in my life, I’m doing just fine.

Now here comes the shocker. I’m still fat. Fatter than when I started the blog. My sneakers haven’t worn out, my jeans are tighter than ever, and my eating habits are once again horrific. I know better. I know that I’ll sleep better, I’ll look better, and I’ll feel better if I can just shake myself off and get going again. I know I’ll be a better role model and have more energy. I know I’ll like the way I look in the mirror better and I’ll dread going to the doctor less. I know, I know, I know. I also know that I’ll have more to write about for the folks who found encouragement in what I was doing right, back when I was doing it.

So here I go again, publicly declaring that I wish to improve my overall health and fitness through diet and exercise. UGH. I wish this was easy, but it isn’t. The beautiful thing is, I know I’m not alone, and I know you’re here to help cheer me on, not matter how badly I fail.

February 2, 2014
by BulgingButtons 11 Comments

Recommitment or Let’s Try This Again

Tomorrow is February 3. That means that in five months it will be my birthday. The day that will end the 47 for 47 Challenge year. On that day I will have either met my goals or not. I don’t anticipate sitting at the computer on my birthday studying the list, alternately congratulating myself and beating myself up, although I suppose that could happen. Just knowing that the list is there for all to see and wonder at is pretty powerful motivation to get going on some of those items.

The whole reason I began blogging was for me to spout off about how wonderful I am (or not) and how great a job I was doing taking care of myself (or not). Sadly, it’s been more of the not, but happily, the blog has grown beyond that original seed of an idea, so even with my many screw ups there’s still something interesting to read from time to time. There must be. People keep coming back, and new readers find me and follow BulgingButtons every day. How amazing is that?

But I digress. It’s a talent of mine. Not digression per se, but procrastination. I’m taking the long way around telling you that I’m ready to get back up on that horse. I’m ready to eat my fruits and veggies and do my exercise. I’m ready to drink my water and hold myself accountable. I’m ready to try again.

I know, you’ve heard it all before. You are patient, bearing with me all this time. You’ve listened to me wax poetic about delicious meals and sedentary pursuits. You’ve endured my whiny musings on feeling low, sick, discouraged, and frustrated. You’ve nodded politely when I’ve gotten excited about some small victory or another, and through it all you’ve hung in there with me. You are warriors.

You tune in hoping for some news of progress, some positive report from the front line, but I offer you little. A scrap here, a morsel there. Still, you support me. You forgive me my sins. You remind me that I’m only human, after all. You offer your hugs and support and encouragement and laughter. You open your worlds to me, and what do I give you in return?

Hopefully you know that I give you a piece of myself. I write from the heart (how disgustingly cliche, I’m sorry). I don’t sugar coat, and I don’t worry much about hurt feelings. I do, but not in my writing, because I’m generally a pretty open-minded nice person. I’m not likely to say anything cutting or mean, so I don’t worry about censoring myself, after all, I know I’m not going to yell at you. I’m far more likely to yell at me.

I try to give you something to think about, or smile at. I try to stay positive and upbeat and focus on the good things in life. I try to offer my observations and experiences in a way that’s interesting or thought provoking. I’m not trying to tell anyone who to be or what to think, but I’m allowing you all a glimpse of who I am and what I think. That doesn’t sound like a significant contribution to the good of humankind, but right now it’s what I’ve got to offer, take it or leave it.

This was supposed to be the year of loving myself enough to do all that I needed to make my life as wonderful as possible. I’ve done a lot of positive things, but I have so much more to do. It’s a little like getting my house ready to sell. I want to fixate on tiny inconsequential things at the expense of the obvious. In terms of the house it’s simple, CLEAN UP. In terms of my life it’s simple too, LOSE WEIGHT.

I think I can lose 50 pounds in 5 months. That’s sane and safe and would go a long way toward improving my health and life. There, I’ve written it. That makes it real.

I’m cleaning up and resisting the temptation to do silly things like rearrange drawers. I’m also committing to eating better and moving more. That’s about as much as I can handle right now. I did go to the grocery store and purchase some delicious mandarins, salad, yogurt, carrots, hummus, orange juice, and water to wash it all down.

I also purchased some light beer. Hey, it’s the Super Bowl, and the sweetheart is in the kitchen cooking his yearly pot of gourmet chili. I better take my walk before the festivities begin. Besides, the 3rd isn’t until tomorrow.

December 3, 2013
by BulgingButtons 24 Comments

Establishing New Habits

Welcome to December. The most ~~wonderful~~ fattening time of the year. I have a confession to make. I have regained some of the weight I lost back when the blog was new. Maybe all of it. I’m afraid to get on the scale. I know, though. My clothes are tighter again and I don’t feel as energized as I did.

Oh sure, there are lots of reasons. The first and most compelling reason is the change in weather. I was in my pool nearly every day exercising and I LOVED it. Weird. But then it got cooler out and the water became too cold so there went my favorite workout. Boo hoo, poor me.

There there was my commitment to spending most of my free time in November writing. And write I did! Many many words poured from my brain through my fingertips. A post a day (sometimes more than one) and a rough draft of a novel came out of my head. Amazing. But writers need fuel (I find that Hot Tamales candy makes me particularly creative), and writing is a sedentary activity. My musings on that topic are here. Yep, I know, excuses, excuses.

So there it is. The weight is back and now it’s holiday time and frankly, I’m not feeling all too pleased with how I’ve been taking care of myself. Or rather how I haven’t been. Oh sure, November was a kick ass month and I’m thrilled with some of the results, but now December calls for some changes.

Besides being holiday time, December is the time of year when I remember a friend who died far too young. She was healthy and vibrant and wonderful and capable. She was a wife and mother and daughter and sister and creative tour de force. That bitch cancer got her and had its way with her. She begged her friends to take care of themselves as best they could. I’m not doing that. I’m sorry.

I’m not saying I want to get healthier out of fear of cancer, per se, but out of respect for it, and heart disease, and diabetes, and all the other nasty complications of obesity. Yes, I’m obese. I know I am, and I don’t love it. (Read some of the reasons why here) I don’t beat myself up over it, because that’s counterproductive, but I do acknowledge it. Intellectually I know I have to get going, but emotionally I’m feeling a little stuck.

I think what stops me in my tracks is the knowledge that I’ve done this a million times before. I get fed up, I shake things up, I make some changes, and I improve my health and fitness levels to a greater or lesser degree. The problem is that I never take it far enough. I lose momentum. I need to develop new habits. Fortunately, November has shown me that I’m perfectly capable of doing just that.

Writing has become a habit for me. Instead of writing once or twice a week (if that) I’m writing once or twice a day, and for longer periods of time. I’m exploring different ways of expressing myself, and I’m not afraid to tackle topics that might have intimidated me previously. I need to take that determination and drive into the battle for my health. This is a fight I need to win. I must create new habits. I better warm up the treadmill and dust off my awesome pink boxing gloves. I have proven to myself that I can take on and complete a challenge. My new challenge is taking care of myself. Anyone care to join me? One step at a time, one change at a time, one day at a time.